it's time.
my body, soul, heart and mind are crying out- i'm done.
i have walked myself straight into the middle of the desert without a single provision, save my Jesus.
not intentionally, mind you....He knew- of course, He knew. and, as always, He is here to meet me.
as always, He is here to rescue me.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
moving in
i realized this morning that i have somehow slipped back into a mindset of "doing for the Lord," instead of the life of peace He offers in "resting in the Lord."
then i looked around my house and noticed a full length mirror hanging on the outside of the bedroom closet door. the previous occupant (and owner of the property) had left the mirror, but she had it hanging on the wall near the bathroom (we live in a tiny one bedroom apartment, and the bathroom is actually in the bedroom). i had other ideas for that wallspace and with where i had placed my other furniture, it just wasn't a good spot for the mirror- but the outside of the closet door was perfect.
growing up, my family moved every year, sometimes even more frequently. i was always mindful of putting holes in the wall- we would just have to patch and paint them in a few months anyway, so why bother? as a result, i never really settled in anywhere, never decorated, never got comfortable- i never really had a home.
when i moved into this tiny little apartment almost exactly 5 years ago, the Lord and i were in a unique place. i had finally surrendered to His will for my life and was ready to do anything to submit to His authority over me. little did i know that i was in for the doing-it-my-way-detox of my life....the first 6 months in this place was hell. but the apartment itself was, seriously, an exact answer to prayer, in SO many ways- i could go on, but that is a story (or 7) for another day.
suffice to say- this place was very obviously a special place the Lord had set aside for me, the way parents find a good place to raise their children, safe and warm, spacious enough for the two of us, nurturing yet not without a good time-out corner....a place to finally roll His sleeves up and teach me what it was like to walk in Him (now that i was willing to let Him). this place was home.
i had no idea then how much my life would change (though i desperately wanted it to). but i sensed we would be in this place for a while (lol). so i moved in.
i took down that mirror and drilled holes in the closet door and hung that thing right where i wanted it. i hung my huge decorative mirror in the living room over my secretary table, using molly bolts- even bigger than nails! i bought and hung blinds in my room. i put up pictures and hung my purple Japanese lanterns in the sea foam green living room and they went perfectly with my couches, throws, pillows, and the print my dad had bought for me during another very special time. i said to hell with fixing holes and touch-up paint and even losing some of my security deposit- i made this house my own.
(in fact, i have so impressed my ownership on this sweet little place, even after more than a year, the Farmer still doesn't feel quite like it's his, lol....poor guy! the good news is that we are looking for a place of our own right now, a bigger place with some room to grow, a place where we can both move in)
as these thoughts about how i had finally settled into a house and found a home occurred to me this morning, i also remembered a blurb i had read on someone's facebook about how Jesus wants us to realize that though He is always interceding for us, we are still welcome to come boldly to the Father on our own- that He wants us to.
the mindset of doing for Him rather than resting in Him re-occurred to me, and all three lines of thought came smashing together into a surprisingly gentle realization- it's time to make myself more at home with the Lord.
the decorating we did in the last 3-5 years was good for that timeframe, and it fulfilled it's purpose, but it's time to update things a little, hang some new mirrors and lanterns, and find a bigger place with room to grow.
i am reminded this morning that the only thing i have to do is be willing to let Him have His way with me....even if it means a little doing-it-my-way-detox and quite possibly a stint or two in the time-out corner. hard as it might be, i welcome it with all my heart.
inLove,
theFarmer'swife
then i looked around my house and noticed a full length mirror hanging on the outside of the bedroom closet door. the previous occupant (and owner of the property) had left the mirror, but she had it hanging on the wall near the bathroom (we live in a tiny one bedroom apartment, and the bathroom is actually in the bedroom). i had other ideas for that wallspace and with where i had placed my other furniture, it just wasn't a good spot for the mirror- but the outside of the closet door was perfect.
growing up, my family moved every year, sometimes even more frequently. i was always mindful of putting holes in the wall- we would just have to patch and paint them in a few months anyway, so why bother? as a result, i never really settled in anywhere, never decorated, never got comfortable- i never really had a home.
when i moved into this tiny little apartment almost exactly 5 years ago, the Lord and i were in a unique place. i had finally surrendered to His will for my life and was ready to do anything to submit to His authority over me. little did i know that i was in for the doing-it-my-way-detox of my life....the first 6 months in this place was hell. but the apartment itself was, seriously, an exact answer to prayer, in SO many ways- i could go on, but that is a story (or 7) for another day.
suffice to say- this place was very obviously a special place the Lord had set aside for me, the way parents find a good place to raise their children, safe and warm, spacious enough for the two of us, nurturing yet not without a good time-out corner....a place to finally roll His sleeves up and teach me what it was like to walk in Him (now that i was willing to let Him). this place was home.
i had no idea then how much my life would change (though i desperately wanted it to). but i sensed we would be in this place for a while (lol). so i moved in.
i took down that mirror and drilled holes in the closet door and hung that thing right where i wanted it. i hung my huge decorative mirror in the living room over my secretary table, using molly bolts- even bigger than nails! i bought and hung blinds in my room. i put up pictures and hung my purple Japanese lanterns in the sea foam green living room and they went perfectly with my couches, throws, pillows, and the print my dad had bought for me during another very special time. i said to hell with fixing holes and touch-up paint and even losing some of my security deposit- i made this house my own.
(in fact, i have so impressed my ownership on this sweet little place, even after more than a year, the Farmer still doesn't feel quite like it's his, lol....poor guy! the good news is that we are looking for a place of our own right now, a bigger place with some room to grow, a place where we can both move in)
as these thoughts about how i had finally settled into a house and found a home occurred to me this morning, i also remembered a blurb i had read on someone's facebook about how Jesus wants us to realize that though He is always interceding for us, we are still welcome to come boldly to the Father on our own- that He wants us to.
the mindset of doing for Him rather than resting in Him re-occurred to me, and all three lines of thought came smashing together into a surprisingly gentle realization- it's time to make myself more at home with the Lord.
the decorating we did in the last 3-5 years was good for that timeframe, and it fulfilled it's purpose, but it's time to update things a little, hang some new mirrors and lanterns, and find a bigger place with room to grow.
i am reminded this morning that the only thing i have to do is be willing to let Him have His way with me....even if it means a little doing-it-my-way-detox and quite possibly a stint or two in the time-out corner. hard as it might be, i welcome it with all my heart.
inLove,
theFarmer'swife
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