new...ma

my absolute favorite thing in the world is God's grace.

life, and humanity, and sin, make it so easy to forget that every day is new for us with the Lord. it's so hard to wrap my feeble human brain around the fact that He is so much bigger than i, and even more- His LOVE is so much bigger than my fallibility, my incompetence, my fragility- and even better- His love is based in something that in my humanity, i can barely comprehend- something heavenly.

when i was little, i didn't often feel loved. life was a test and if i didn't measure up, i wouldn't gain approval. and if i didn't gain approval, then i wouldn't be admired or respected. and if i wasn't admired or respected, i wouldn't be valued. and if i wasn't valued, i wouldn't be loved.

this painful paradigm plagues me to this day.

today i heard one of my most favorite worship songs- How He Loves (this is the first version i ever heard, though all are great: David Crowder Band- How He Loves). i simply can't describe how it feels to learn, and remember, that there is absolutely nothing- not one single thing- that i have to do to obtain God's love for me. His approval, acceptance, admiration, respect, and how very much He values me is plain, simple and free. it comes from Him, not me- which, of course, is why it's so perfect. i couldn't even stop His sweet love from emanating down into this frail little heart if i tried.

lately, i've been....a little lost. i was way off track for most of my life, but then the Lord straightened my path. i took to it quickly, if not easily, but the more i grew in His way, the more i wandered from that original path. i'm confident that as i wandered, i was following the Lord, and that i still am. it's just that that first leg of the journey was so clear- it was like playing with those enormous baby-Legos, or painting by-the-number- so simple. farther on down the road, things have become less clear, more messy- now i have more options, and the Lord is less hands-on. i know this is a sign of my maturity in Him, but....there's also more of a margin for error. what i mean is- now He allows me to get a little farther off the path before He reels me back in again- and that process has gotten harder, and more painful. not only that, but there also seems to be more to lose every time i fall. lemmetellya- it makes the option of sticking to milk for life make a lot more sense....

the beauty of God's grace, and the precious truth i was reminded of this morning is that really, though the Lord is less hands-on, He is still as close as ever- and He is still just as dependable as ever.

part of maturing in Him is being willing to hurt- there's just something about humans that makes pain one of the most effective teachers. but as we can be sure of His love and provision for us, we can be sure that our pain is necessary to what He is doing with our lives- whether we need to learn a lesson, be a lesson for someone else, or just plain old interact with a world that has not yet been fully redeemed.

it is the certainty that God truly and deeply loves us, and is therefore looking out for us, that brings us to obedience in Him- we trust Him enough to commit our whole selves, our whole lives, to Him. and somehow- whatever we may lose in the process never compares to what we gain.

on this eve of the new year, i am so blessed to be reminded that though i've been hesitant to do just that for the last little while, i can make a new decision, a re-newed decision, today to turn my heart, and life, back to His control once more. i am safe in Him. πνεύμα

inLove,
theFarmer'swife