such is love

tonight i'm just feeling...stinky.

you know the kind of day when you can't hold on to anything, you have a million things to carry, you walk somewhere only to find upon your return that you had something else to bring to that very place, you realize that the food you intended to cook for dinner has gone bad only after you have already been to the market....and the like?

grrrrrrrr. and ughhhhhhh. ending with a blechhhh!!

it's times like these that quotes like this just make me want to wander into a desert not to be heard from for 40 days (at least): "if you don't have time to pray and read the Scriptures, you are busier than God ever intended you to be."

yeah, no kidding.

i can't tell you the last time i sat with the Scriptures- certainly not the last time i gleaned some wisdom from them. that doesn't mean i don't hear from the Lord- due to the Farmer's gentle insistence over the course of weeks (months?), i actually sat with Him the other night, and as always, came away with valuable, relevant, truth that brought me to a place of peace i hadn't known the pleasure of for weeks (again, months?)....

crazy how the very thing we KNOW will give us what we need, we run from.

the truth is- living with someone is a lot harder than i thought it would be.

don't get me wrong- i love, ADORE, my sweet husband....but....i kinda....miss....me. and my life- specifically my life with the Lord.

you know, i FINALLY realized about 9 months before i started dating my honey, how precious the time was that i had to spend with the Lord (and myself) ALONE- and if i was really going to get married someday, and have kids- well then i better get to truly ENJOYING my time!

and let me tell you- i enjoyed the HECK out of those 9 months.

NOT that i don't enjoy the heck out of being married- i have the most wonderful husband in the ENTIRE world- he is the absolute BEST partner for me and i have no doubt my sweet God handpicked him for me! he's my best friend, the best to laugh and just talk with, and....let's just say the chemistry's just right ;)

but sometimes....it's nice to be ALONE....to come home and grumble without knowing you're hurting the person you love the most....to crank YOUR favorite music and dance through your tiny house....to order in, or take out, or eat chips (or wine) for dinner.

and my sweet husband, would NEVER prohibit me from doing any of these things- to the contrary, he's actually joined me in these steam-blowing activities....but it's just....not....the same.

loving man that he is, he has offered numerous times to make himself scarce so i can do what i need to do. i should probably take him up on it sometime....but....i just....love him SO MUCH....i don't WANT him to leave....even if i do....you know?

such is love, i guess.

and speaking of....he has been bustling about the kitchen for the last half hour as i've written (ranted) and listened to (blasted) my favorite music and drank (gulped) good red wine, and just presented me with dinner- his new creation "upside nachos" (apples, cheese and garlic spiced sweet sausage)....mmmm, perfection...in every way <3

God bless that sweet man for putting up with this crazy woman.

thesongthatmeantthemosttomeinthismoment<3

as always...

inLove,
theFarmer'swife